Nestled in the corner of a busy street of Saigon, sitting in a quiet cafe that had a dozen bonsais, each one peculiarly different from the other, as I waited for my coffee and banana cake I had an unanticipated realization. Nothing was hurting anymore. My heart and soul didn’t ache for anything and anyone. It felt surreal.
Something that I hadn’t experienced in life as long as I remember it. And today, here I was, soaking in the sunlight and peace, at ease with the silence in the cafe and in my head. I had no rush. I did not want to be anywhere else. I did not worry about anything that I had to do later. I was there, in deep-dyed alignment with my body and mind.
That was the precise moment I realised that I had healed. I had healed from things, events, and people that hurt me and held me back for years from reaching this state of just existing blissfully, this simple state of blooming.
You know how people say time heals everything. Umm, that’s not really true. You heal yourself.
It wasn’t a cakewalk for sure, I have battled depression and negative thoughts intermittently even before I even realised that I needed to change something. And no, I did not just transform into a happy hippie overnight, instead, I did a lot of solid, ugly, groundwork to change my reality. I realised my intentions create my truth and I had complete power to manifest a life that would feel like being at home.
Ask yourself, do you want to heal?
More often than not, the only thing stopping us from healing is us. Revisiting and reliving your trauma is natural and inevitable but at some point, we need to start living in the present. And that’s when we need to get our hands dirty and do the heavy lifting of healing.
It is not pretty, it is definitely not linear and there will be times when you will feel you aren’t making any progress. But trust me, if you truly want to heal from your past, it is not impossible.
So the question you want to ask yourself is
Are you ready to choose your healing over pain and become the truest version of yourself?
Or you want to stay where you are and hope that one day you will be magically happy?
Stop identifying yourself with your trauma
We fear healing because without it, we won’t know what to do with ourselves.
For a long time, when I saw myself in the mirror, I saw a person who was sexually abused, neglected, abandoned, and treated poorly as a child. I saw pain, trauma and all the negative events that had happened in my childhood and young adult life. I carried the burden of my past for so long that I did not know who I was without the pain anymore. My pain defined me.
So I slowly started scratching the surface and decided to get in touch with my real being. The person who I was beneath the damage.
To heal it is imperative to know that you are not your trauma. You need to focus on all values like kindness and love you carry in your heart and realise those are the things that are worthy of your efforts.
Have you ever noticed that if you go to sleep angry, you have nightmares? And then when you wake up in a bad mood because of the bad dreams, you might as well burn your toast or miss your bus?
All of us are manifesting all the time. Every time you think about something, good or bad, you are creating a universal flow of energy within your being and around you. The energy has a very simple way of working: the law of attraction.
So if you keep you keep on thinking all day, “I suck”
Then probably, you know, your energy does suck. And most likely you will attract people in your life who suck too.
But instead, if you try and vibrate on higher-level thoughts like, “I am kind and I deserve to be loved.”
You give out positive, confident energy to the Universe and it will come back to you. It is important to understand that your thoughts create your reality.
Identify what is messing up with your energy
Notice when you are happy, energised, enthusiastic and bright, and when you are frustrated, moody, lethargic, angry, or resentful.
For a really long time, I was surrounded by people who were vibrating at a much lower frequency than me. People with lower vibrations often display anger, pessimism, jealously. You will often find them bitching about others, indulging in gossip, showing signs of narcissism. They were friends, family and I think they did care about me in their own way but their energy was not compatible with mine and their presence in my life no longer served me in a healthy way. It took me some time, but I was able to successfully identify the people who would leave me emotionally drained or exhausted. While it’s not easy to completely cut off from everyone who makes you feel like shit, establishing clear solid boundaries is a great way to protect your energy from people with low vibrations.
For instance, one of my friends would always call me to discuss her problems while visibly taking no tangible steps to change anything about her life. By the time I would be finished listening to her and offering my heartfelt advice, I would be completely emotionally exhausted. So I now talk to her once in a month and our relationship is also better.
While healing can take months and years, knowing that you want to heal is a good place to start. One important thing to remember is that healing from your past in no way means that it was not significant or you need to forget about it, it simply means that you no longer allow the past to control you and your day-today emotions. It is about taking the power back and creating a life where you decide how you feel when you wake up in the morning.