Why is it so difficult to break up with a narcissist partner: Story of my survival

My ordeal at the hands of narcissistic men started almost a decade ago, in 2009, to be precise. Even recalling it, makes me loathe the absurd amount of time I wasted wallowing in self-pity for years simply because I thought this is what ‘love’ feels like.

Walking away from an abusive and mentally draining relationship, especially with a narcissist takes more than courage and pep-talk.

Narcissism is often associated with being simply obsessed with one’s physical appearance. However, what most of us fail to recognize is, narcissism is more than just that – it is an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority that one attaches to themselves. 

I have been in three serious relationships, and the degree of narcissistic personality disorder(NPD) in each of my partners was distinctly different from one another.

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How Indian parlor aunties contribute to insecurities in young women everyday

Growing up, I would dread a visit to the beauty salon, but my mother simply enjoyed it. She would blow up a fortune on each visit, because somehow her skin was never soft enough, her hands too rough, her hair lacked lustre and shine, and her eyebrows unshaped. I didn’t understand it, the 9-year-old me thought that she was so pretty. But the parlor aunty differed. Every time my mom went,  the salon aestheticians would pass a battalion of deprecating judgements along with ‘valuable’ beauty advices to make her ‘beautiful’. As a result– dozens of herbal and cosmetic products would end up at my mother’s old wooden dressing. I figured my mom had rather grown used to this unsolicited criticism. It was difficult for a young girl to understand why her mother kept on visiting a place where people said her skin was dull, and her feet too cracked.

However, in an interesting but sad turn of events, I grew up to be this very woman that my mother was; I started visiting beauty salons to become beautiful. Slowly, the casual remarks laced with criticisms by the aunties started appearing normal to me. As a teenager, I would often partake in the jokes that would go around about the parlor aunties as me and my friends told each other of our most recent ordeals at the salon. Before we knew it, looking down upon someone with unkempt hair, bushy eyebrows, body hair, and open pores slowly transgressed from the walls of the parlours to our minds. We normalized this behaviour and in return became a passive contributor to the toxic cycle. Continue reading “How Indian parlor aunties contribute to insecurities in young women everyday”

My body is not an apology: The Delhi aunty incident

Women have reached to the moon and back, have to their credit successful scientific inventions, nobel prizes, a whole gamut of laureates in diverse fields, and yet here we are, being shamed and called out for wearing what we want, something that amusingly still offends an entire set of self-claimed moral police mob.

What was supposed to be a peaceful holiday on a fine Wednesday turned out to be a day filled with disturbing and probably life-long traumatic events for a bunch of girls who went out for a quick bite. The Internet (as always) continued to be divided on opinions on a viral video shared by a group of women confronting a middle-aged aunty who shamed them for wearing short dresses to lure men. That is sadly not the first time that a regressive public incident like this has come to the limelight. Men in our country on their high horses denying patriarchy altogether,  the mike-blaring leaders on stage disgracing women for wanting their basic right and of course the neighbourhood aunties judging the length of your skirt from their balconies have often limited women’s existence as the torch-bearer of maintaining cultural integrity (apart from raising men, of course) in the society.

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