मुझे गृहणी बनने से डर क्यों लगता है?

Namrata Mishra

Namrata Mishra is a Gender Culture and Development student from Krantijyoti Savitribai Phule Women's studies Centre
Namrata Mishra

बचपन से ही माँ से सुनते आई हूँ “बड़ी होकर तुझे शादी कर के अपने घर जाना है; वहां तुझे घर बसाना है!” 

यह वाक्य मेरी ही तरह और भी कई लड़कियों को सुनने मिलता है और मिला होगा। कारण यह नहीं कि माँ को उसकी पुत्री से प्रेम नहीं है और इसलिए वह चाहती है की लड़की दूसरे घर चली जाए। परन्तु कारण है शादी करने की मज़बूरी। शादी एक पितृसत्तात्मक ढांचा है और चूंकि हम पितृसत्तात्मक समाज में रह रहे हैं, शादी करना अनिवार्य है। यदि कोई शादी ना करके इस ढांचे को तोड़ने की कोशिश करता है तो, पितृसत्ता के बाकी कई सारे ढांचे लड़ने झगड़ने के लिए तैनात हो जाते हैं। माने, बिना शादी के ना घर ना परिवार ना गली ना मोहल्ला, ना देश ना दुनिया, कोई भी शांति से जीने नहीं देगा। खैर, पित्रसत्ता की समझ तो नारीवाद की क्लासों से आई।

उसके पहले तो बस मां की इन बातों पर या तो रूठ जाती थी या तो गुस्सा हो जाती थी।  मैं सोचती थी की मां ने शादी कर के या मेरे परिवार, रिश्तेदारों में और भी बाकी औरतों ने शादी कर के ऐसा कौन सा आनंद उपलब्ध कर लिया जो मुझसे छूट जाएगा यदि मैंने विवाह ना किया तो..?

Continue reading “मुझे गृहणी बनने से डर क्यों लगता है?”

Eight ways to stop blaming yourself for past toxic relationship that keeps haunting you

Akanksha Sharma

Akanksha Sharma is Founder at Indspire Me and a cat lover. She is also a Counsellor and an avid traveler. You can write to her at akanksha.sharma158@gmail.com for any queries.
Akanksha Sharma

Many of us have had the wretched experience of being in a relationship that, instead of adding happiness to our lives, brought us a lot of abuse, misery, and pain.

It’s that one relationship, which we can never forget, as much for the lessons learned as for the scars on our soul.

Even after years pass by, sometimes on a rainy day and sometimes after listening to an old and familiar song on the radio, we find ourselves dwelling on the hurt.

Our memories are bitter and full of imaginary recriminations; directed as much towards the ex-lover as it is towards our own selves. On good days, we are able to pull ourselves out of this cycle quickly. But on bad days, our mind starts falling into a loop of self-directed incredulity, harshness, and negative talk. As thoughts start to spiral out of control, we begin to question our judgments about people, our self-worth and even our identity. A question that we often find ourselves asking is, how did we let the abuse repeatedly destroy our entire self-worth for months and years.

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Life with an auto-immune disease

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Ananya Singh

Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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This is not a fun story, this is not a happy story with an inspirational quote at the end. So if you are looking for something to cheer you up, keep scrolling.

I write this in an attempt to accept, embrace my reality. For it took me a year to realize that not talking about my disease is not going to take it away.

Last year, when I was diagnosed with an auto-immune bone disease which has the potency to slowly erode my bones, and cause the bones of my spinal cord to fuse into each other, potentially leaving me disabled and in excruciating pain, I did not know what to do with that information. I remember feeling numb, absent, inert. I wanted to cry but I was smiling. I don’t know why, maybe because I wanted to upkeep my pretenses of a strong woman. Or maybe because I was in denial. I think it was the latter.

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The psychological consequences of growing-up as an undesired girl child in India

Akanksha Sharma

Akanksha Sharma is Founder at Indspire Me and a cat lover. She is also a Counsellor and an avid traveler. You can write to her at akanksha.sharma158@gmail.com for any queries.
Akanksha Sharma

It is a surprise that in 2019, it still needs to be said out loud that yes, mental health is important. Though improved mental health is said to have its own positive side-benefits such as increased productivity in the workplace or good levels of social cohesiveness; it is significant for its own sake. From a philosophical perspective, every person deserves to be happy and empowered. Each individual deserves to have a healthy self-image and self-esteem, on the basis of which, they can lead a life of dignity and strive to fulfill their potential. 

I realize that the above seems like an idyllic reality and an idealistic concept, and that’s because it probably is, especially if you are born as a girl child in India.

Continue reading “The psychological consequences of growing-up as an undesired girl child in India”

What’s in feminism for men?

Shruti Sharma

Shruti Sharma is the founder of Books on the Delhi Metro, a book sharing initiative which aims to make sure that books are no more a luxury for anyone. She is an avid reader, an experimental writer, and a hardcore optimist. She loves muggles but is also eagerly waiting for the day she receives her Hogwarts letter and gets to be a wizard.
Shruti Sharma

Latest posts by Shruti Sharma (see all)

“Fight your own battles, lady! Tell me this, have you ever seen a woman call herself a manist? No, right? And honestly, if you take men’s help here, history will never acknowledge you as empowered. They’ll always remember you as women who needed men to fight for their rights,” said one man when I asked him how he felt about men supporting the feminist movement.

I was blown away.

Clearly, he had a different interpretation of feminism than mine. Continue reading “What’s in feminism for men?”

Of sex and summer in small towns

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Ananya Singh

Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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A woman’s virginity is one of the most praised idols of worship in all religious texts. Mother Mary was a ‘virgin’, in Hindu mythology we have ‘Panchkanyas’, Ahalya, Tara, Mandodari, Sita and Draupadi-  group of five ideal women and chaste wives.

I was brought up in a world where my bed-time stories were supposed to be epic sagas of ‘Mahapurush Rama’ asking his wife Sita proves her chastity by undergoing a trial by fire. Even before I could spell the word, I was indoctrinated with all kinds of ideas about what big deal virginity was. Continue reading “Of sex and summer in small towns”

‘But someone out there has it worse’-  Can we all stop​ belittling trauma?

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Ananya Singh

Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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When I was five years old, I was repeatedly assaulted by someone known to me. I did not understand it back then, but as I started growing up, I noticed remnants of my unhealed trauma in my adult personality. This is a chapter of my life that I still haven’t been able to come to terms with, this is a part of my life that doesn’t get to come out and live its truth even in my therapy sessions. The most I have ever talked about it is in a couple of lines during the introduction of a story, like I am doing right now. Continue reading “‘But someone out there has it worse’-  Can we all stop​ belittling trauma?”

Everything that’s wrong with the Body Positivity movement on Instagram

Sabina Yeasmin

Monthly Contributor at Moderne
After living in a concrete jungle for more than two decades of her life, Sabina found solitude as she moved to the greener side of the grass, pretty literally. Apart from enjoying all things literature, she loves to write on diverse issues, cook good food, and tend her teeny-tiny garden.

Sabina was raised as a feminist, believes the world needs a little more love and also some rationality to see an unbiased image of the society. She is a magnet to anxiety but her faith keeps her going. Oh, also, she is a proud Hijabi Muslimah and repels judgemental people.
Sabina Yeasmin

“Everybody is different, and every body is different.” 

Beverly Dieh

The concept of body-positivity is fundamentally based on the belief that everyone, male or female, should be able to look at their bodies without contempt, and accept it, regardless of changes in shape, size, complexion, and other features. It empowers people to have a positive relationship with their own bodies. The movement strives to challenge the socio-cultural representations of what a beautiful, handsome, or a perfect body ‘should’ look like. Undoubtedly, the idea in its entirety is an empowering one. 

However, if you look closely and mindfully,  the body-positivity movement on the Internet as we see today seems to have completely derailed from its track. To be body positive is a good thing, great, in fact. But the way the internet has molded this movement is problematic in more than one way. 

Continue reading “Everything that’s wrong with the Body Positivity movement on Instagram”

Sabyasachi has always objectified women. Why are we so surprised now?

Sabina Yeasmin

Monthly Contributor at Moderne
After living in a concrete jungle for more than two decades of her life, Sabina found solitude as she moved to the greener side of the grass, pretty literally. Apart from enjoying all things literature, she loves to write on diverse issues, cook good food, and tend her teeny-tiny garden.

Sabina was raised as a feminist, believes the world needs a little more love and also some rationality to see an unbiased image of the society. She is a magnet to anxiety but her faith keeps her going. Oh, also, she is a proud Hijabi Muslimah and repels judgemental people.
Sabina Yeasmin

A gorgeous piece of fabric with meticulous handwork, a flawless archetype of Indian traditional wear. What’s the first thing that comes to your mind? It would probably be a saree or a lehenga. And if you have to instantly name a designer who represents this kind of artwork? Yes, that would be Sabyasachi Mukherjee. The ‘brand’ Sabya for most of us. 

But some of us who care to go deeper into matters and observe from various lenses, it’s just one aspect of this man. It’s his talent of creating these exquisite, dreamy tales of weddings and celebration and no one is taking that away from him. But talk about separating the art from the artist?  It is difficult, but can we at least acknowledge that there is something terribly wrong with Sabya and the ideas of femininity he promotes?

Continue reading “Sabyasachi has always objectified women. Why are we so surprised now?”

“Why can’t she simply leave him?”-  Understanding trauma bonding

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Ananya Singh

Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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A friend of mine sent me a frantic text in the middle of the night. It was odd because we weren’t the best of friends, we had drifted apart gradually due to our busy schedules (at least that’s what I had always thought). The text said that her live-in boyfriend physically assaulted her, and she was spending the night at a friend’s. That day, and for weeks after that day, I was by her side.

I supported her emotionally, offered financial help since they had been living together and he might have had control over her money, texted her every other day to see if she was alright.

The guy was abusive, and this wasn’t the first time he had hit her. It was a pattern. I told her, in no kind words, that he was an absolute jerk, and that she needed to stay away from him. I even proposed a police complaint, but I could sense she wasn’t ready for it, and that was okay. I have learnt with time that everyone has a different, unique way to process their trauma, and that’s alright.

Weeks passed. Months passed.

As things cooled down, and she became better, she cut me off completely. I thought she was too embarrassed after the very public episode and needed her own time to heal.

Three months later, I saw her Instagram posts with the same guy. Continue reading ““Why can’t she simply leave him?”-  Understanding trauma bonding”