The year started with a pleasant surprise for the LGBT community and support groups when a Bollywood movie centered around two queer women hit the theatres in February 2019. While no one can deny that Sonam Kapoor’s Ek Ladki Ko Dekha Toh Aisa Laga in itself was path-breaking cinema, the movie in its effort to sanitize the narrative to make it acceptable to Indian audiences lost the essence of lesbian love. It fails dismally to portray how two women who love each other behave in each others’ company. In the film, the two lovers are only seen exchanging a few hugs and some forehead pecks, in fact, they are called out for doing just that.
My ordeal at the hands of narcissistic men started almost a decade ago, in 2009, to be precise. Even recalling it, makes me loathe the absurd amount of time I wasted wallowing in self-pity for years simply because I thought this is what ‘love’ feels like.
Walking away from an abusive and mentally draining relationship, especially with a narcissist takes more than courage and pep-talk.
Narcissism is often associated with being simply obsessed with one’s physical appearance. However, what most of us fail to recognize is, narcissism is more than just that – it is an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority that one attaches to themselves.
I have been in three serious relationships, and the degree of narcissistic personality disorder(NPD) in each of my partners was distinctly different from one another.
As distasteful and crass Vivek Oberoi’s tweet about his ex was, I am neither surprised by the tweet, nor by his remorseless, arrogant remarks after being called out for it. After all, he is a man. Men in our society are conditioned to mock, call out names, and even threaten the women who reject them. It is a right that society has bestowed upon them since eternity.
The controversial meme featured three pictures of Aishwarya Rai Bachchan with two of her past boyfriends and her husband, and was captioned “opinion polls”, “exit polls” and “results”. Continue reading “Why am I not surprised by Vivek Oberoi’s crass tweet about his ex”
Growing up, I would dread a visit to the beauty salon, but my mother simply enjoyed it. She would blow up a fortune on each visit, because somehow her skin was never soft enough, her hands too rough, her hair lacked lustre and shine, and her eyebrows unshaped. I didn’t understand it, the 9-year-old me thought that she was so pretty. But the parlor aunty differed. Every time my mom went, the salon aestheticians would pass a battalion of deprecating judgements along with ‘valuable’ beauty advices to make her ‘beautiful’. As a result– dozens of herbal and cosmetic products would end up at my mother’s old wooden dressing. I figured my mom had rather grown used to this unsolicited criticism. It was difficult for a young girl to understand why her mother kept on visiting a place where people said her skin was dull, and her feet too cracked.
However, in an interesting but sad turn of events, I grew up to be this very woman that my mother was; I started visiting beauty salons to become beautiful. Slowly, the casual remarks laced with criticisms by the aunties started appearing normal to me. As a teenager, I would often partake in the jokes that would go around about the parlor aunties as me and my friends told each other of our most recent ordeals at the salon. Before we knew it, looking down upon someone with unkempt hair, bushy eyebrows, body hair, and open pores slowly transgressed from the walls of the parlours to our minds. We normalized this behaviour and in return became a passive contributor to the toxic cycle. Continue reading “How Indian parlor aunties contribute to insecurities in young women everyday”
In the backdrop of the movie there are two female police officers from two completely different classes, struggling to find their power and identity in a male dominated profession; at the forefront of the movie there are two women battling everyday hypocrisy, sexism and misogyny thrown their way at every step.
In the current scenario, a movie like Soni is a breath of fresh air, and shifts our focus to realistic cinema while raising some relevant questions. It does an important task of depicting everyday misogyny and male entitlement throughout the reel with the help of ingenious but thought-provoking scenes.
Women have reached to the moon and back, have to their credit successful scientific inventions, nobel prizes, a whole gamut of laureates in diverse fields, and yet here we are, being shamed and called out for wearing what we want, something that amusingly still offends an entire set of self-claimed moral police mob.
What was supposed to be a peaceful holiday on a fine Wednesday turned out to be a day filled with disturbing and probably life-long traumatic events for a bunch of girls who went out for a quick bite. The Internet (as always) continued to be divided on opinions on a viral video shared by a group of women confronting a middle-aged aunty who shamed them for wearing short dresses to lure men. That is sadly not the first time that a regressive public incident like this has come to the limelight. Men in our country on their high horses denying patriarchy altogether, the mike-blaring leaders on stage disgracing women for wanting their basic right and of course the neighbourhood aunties judging the length of your skirt from their balconies have often limited women’s existence as the torch-bearer of maintaining cultural integrity (apart from raising men, of course) in the society.
When men say that they support women and feminism what most of them essentially mean is that they support equality till the time it doesn’t get too uncomfortable or challenging for them to question the systemic male privilege and misogyny that benefits them. Men enjoy a position that has been methodically created and upheld since ages for their own advantage, it must be scary to suddenly give up that kind of power, and that is why dismantling patriarchy is so damn difficult.
Abuse doesn’t always result it scars, bruises and divorces. Emotional abuse can be subtle, but serious. Often the people who are emotionally abused don’t even know it because the abuse doesn’t get physical and its easy to overlook and excuse the partners’ behaviour especially at the onset of a relationship.
Interestingly, many a times the emotional abusers also do not know that they are in the wrong. They truly believe that they know what’s best for their partners, and apply sly, even subconscious, tactics to gain control over the individuals.
We all could have shown some of these signs, and dominated our partners at some point, but if you see a pattern, it may be time to pause and evaluate your actions and their consequences.
Here are 11 signs that you are the emotional abuser in your relationship:
Motherhood is one of the most beautiful, unique experiences of life- and that’s what everyone pretty much tells you about it. The truth in fact is, it can also be quite a quivering experience.
Movies and novels often show us the cute little things like morning sickness, frequent bathroom trips, weight gain (obviously), food cravings which all seem justified if you are making a baby inside your own damn body but there are also some ‘not so cute’ things that remain under wraps, and are often neglected. Continue reading “5 scary things no one tells you about pregnancy”
In today’s age where women’s safety and security is one of the primary global concerns & the world is trying hard to fight against violent crimes against women, a video game developer has come up with an outrageous new game that allows the players to rape and murder women during a supposed zombie apocalypse.
Sexual assault impacts thousands of people each year from all ages, genders, races, ethnicities, and backgrounds across the world, and in America alone, a woman is raped every two minutes. In such a scenario, the fact that the developers want to make monetary benefit from highly twisted fantasies is shocking and highly insensitive to actual rape victims. Continue reading “Disturbing: Violent new video game allows users to rape & murder women”