‘But someone out there has it worse’-  Can we all stop​ belittling trauma?

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Ananya Singh

Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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When I was five years old, I was repeatedly assaulted by someone known to me. I did not understand it back then, but as I started growing up, I noticed remnants of my unhealed trauma in my adult personality. This is a chapter of my life that I still haven’t been able to come to terms with, this is a part of my life that doesn’t get to come out and live its truth even in my therapy sessions. The most I have ever talked about it is in a couple of lines during the introduction of a story, like I am doing right now. Continue reading “‘But someone out there has it worse’-  Can we all stop​ belittling trauma?”

“Why can’t she simply leave him?”-  Understanding trauma bonding

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Ananya Singh

Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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A friend of mine sent me a frantic text in the middle of the night. It was odd because we weren’t the best of friends, we had drifted apart gradually due to our busy schedules (at least that’s what I had always thought). The text said that her live-in boyfriend physically assaulted her, and she was spending the night at a friend’s. That day, and for weeks after that day, I was by her side.

I supported her emotionally, offered financial help since they had been living together and he might have had control over her money, texted her every other day to see if she was alright.

The guy was abusive, and this wasn’t the first time he had hit her. It was a pattern. I told her, in no kind words, that he was an absolute jerk, and that she needed to stay away from him. I even proposed a police complaint, but I could sense she wasn’t ready for it, and that was okay. I have learnt with time that everyone has a different, unique way to process their trauma, and that’s alright.

Weeks passed. Months passed.

As things cooled down, and she became better, she cut me off completely. I thought she was too embarrassed after the very public episode and needed her own time to heal.

Three months later, I saw her Instagram posts with the same guy. Continue reading ““Why can’t she simply leave him?”-  Understanding trauma bonding”

10 signs YOU are the emotional abuser in your relationship

Abuse doesn’t always result it scars, bruises and divorces. Emotional abuse can be subtle, but serious. Often the people who are emotionally abused don’t even know it because the abuse doesn’t get physical and its easy to overlook and excuse the partners’ behaviour especially at the onset of a relationship. 

Interestingly, many a times the emotional abusers also do not know that they are in the wrong. They truly believe that they know what’s best for their partners, and apply sly, even subconscious, tactics to gain control over the individuals. 

We all could have shown some of these signs, and dominated our partners at some point, but if you see a pattern, it may be time to pause and evaluate your actions and their consequences. 

Here are 11 signs that you are the emotional abuser in your relationship:

Continue reading “10 signs YOU are the emotional abuser in your relationship”