My therapist asked me to redefine love, here is my mediocre attempt at it

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Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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Recently I found myself in an unanticipated, serendipitous encounter with remnants of my past; it had a profound effect on me and for a few days, I found myself questioning my entire reality and foundation of love.

My lovely therapist asked me to do an exercise of redefining love. She asked me to take a pen and a paper and write down what does love mean for me. So, here I am taking a mediocre, confused, and chaotic stab at it and sharing it with you. Ideally, this should have remained in my diary, but well.

When I was younger, love for me was butterflies in my tummy and hot fiery sex that made my bones shatter. Love was the little tingling in my hands when his fingers touched mine and it was staying up till 5 am to talk to him because neither of us wanted to hang up.

When I was younger, I mistook romance and sex for love. When in reality, love is what remains when romance dies.

Continue reading “My therapist asked me to redefine love, here is my mediocre attempt at it”

Intimate Partner Violence in queer relationships: A well-hidden reality

I am Harsh and currently, I am a student of literature. I am a history buff and I am an avid reader of non-fiction history and political books. I am vocal about gender rights, feminism, LGBTQ culture, and politics. In my free time, I try to do art, poetry and I write letters. A queer man from a semi-rural state of Bihar, I try to do my part of duty by making people aware of their gender rights. When in Delhi I try to participate in queer activism and write about mythology and culture.
Harsh Aditya

Sameer is an architect. He had been in a few relationships before getting married. He recalls this one particularly abusive relationship which took a huge toll on his mental health.

 “I was in a relationship with a guy who I met during my masters in Zurich. We had the same likes and dislikes and within the next few months, we were together.”

He says, “One day we went out to a party thrown by my friend. I am an extrovert, so I naturally started talking to guys around me. I talked to them, cracked some jokes. We came back to the dorm and to my surprise; my partner pushed me down on the floor. I could sense anger in his eyes. He held me by my collar and said, “Don’t you dare flirt with other guys!” 

This was the first time he used physical force on me. Continue reading “Intimate Partner Violence in queer relationships: A well-hidden reality”

How I made peace with not being a likeable person

Brinda's research specialty is in the geopolitical space, but she most enjoys writing about everyday life. She lives with a small army of cats and her husband, swears by the healing power of diet-coke-and-chips, and has never met a Pinterest suggestion she didn't want to try. She collects Archie comics, loves and abandons art projects regularly and is learning to navigate life with chronic illness.
Brinda B. Hamdani
Latest posts by Brinda B. Hamdani (see all)

I’m not a likeable person. It took me a long time to understand that. Even longer still to accept it. 

For years, I couldn’t fathom why. I’m a decent person. I try to be good to people. I listen, with genuine interest, when people talk. I care. I do my best to help. But turns out, all this is not enough to be the most popular person or even moderately popular person in the room. I have my flaws, just like everyone else. But I’ve tried to the best of my abilities to not hurt people. I’ve apologized when I have. I always took that as a yardstick to test myself against: I’m not doing bad things so I’m a good person. If I’m a good person, other people will like me. Right? Wrong. Continue reading “How I made peace with not being a likeable person”

The truth about G-spot, nipplegasm & other things they didn’t tell you

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Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
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It’s important to remember that unlike what you might see in movies and porn, sex isn’t always effortless and mind-shattering. On top of it, women especially in India are often led to believe that sex is shameful, which makes it harder to achieve orgasm and sexual satisfaction, and even communicate about their likes and dislikes to their partner. 

There’s no single handbook to achieve great orgasms or good sex, but knowing your body better definitely is a step in the right direction. Continue reading “The truth about G-spot, nipplegasm & other things they didn’t tell you”

Asexuality is an orientation, not a disorder

I am Harsh and currently, I am a student of literature. I am a history buff and I am an avid reader of non-fiction history and political books. I am vocal about gender rights, feminism, LGBTQ culture, and politics. In my free time, I try to do art, poetry and I write letters. A queer man from a semi-rural state of Bihar, I try to do my part of duty by making people aware of their gender rights. When in Delhi I try to participate in queer activism and write about mythology and culture.
Harsh Aditya

In the term LGBTQIA, letter A stands for Asexuality. A term that has been overlooked and misinterpreted while the people who fall under this spectrum have been subjected to ridicule and sneering. In a country where any kind of discourse & debate around sexual identities is still frowned upon, no wonder majority of us don’t understand asexuality.

There is an evident lack of awareness even among the ‘wokest’ of us. In a society where sex is romanticized and is looked at as the ultimate culmination of love and romance, it becomes challenging for people to come out as asexual. Continue reading “Asexuality is an orientation, not a disorder”

A Beginner’s Guide to Safe & Fun BDSM

Divya is an aspiring pet parent with a love for all things animals. A 'Food technologist' by educational qualification, Divya quit the 'sounds interesting' job to switch into the world of writing. She loves writing about things that hold the promise of creating a change, educating the reader, and things that stir her soul. Love often finds it's way into her keyboard, but for the most part, she remains fascinated by the human brain, exploring why people are the way they are.
Divya Uchil

I remember walking down the cobbled streets of Amsterdam, quickening my pace towards the ‘Sex Museum’ a few years ago. It was beginning to get dark and the red-light area was starting to light up. It was a bit daunting considering the cultural shift. We come from a country where entering a red-light district is nothing short of a criminal act. “Amsterdam was safe” I mumbled to myself as I entered the museum. I was truly captivated to get a glimpse into the lives of the sex workers there, quite a few things were pleasantly surprising. I especially remember walking into the BDSM room and was in awe of everything I saw. Some suspended stuff, floggers, canes, whips, clamps and so many more intriguing things that I didn’t even know about.  Continue reading “A Beginner’s Guide to Safe & Fun BDSM”

Why do men send dick pics?

Aamna is a writer, particularly passionate about feminist issues.
Latest posts by Aamna S (see all)

As I walked down the crossroads of an exceptionally traffic-heavy location, I noticed that the red light was seconds away from turning green. I decided to make a run for it. As it turned green, it caught my attention that a scooter slowed as I walked. I looked up to see a shabby-looking man, wearing a helmet. 

He asked me “Madam MHB Colony kidhar hai?”, (Where is MHB Colony?). I instinctively raised my hand pointing the directions because it was fairly uncomplicated even for someone as directionally challenged like me.  Unwaveringly he continued to ask “Madam address dekh lo ek baar”(Madam, have a look at the address once). I noticed some ruffling in his hands, and assumed it’s the address. I insisted I knew the direction and continued to point towards the desired location. Continue reading “Why do men send dick pics?”

Of sex and summer in small towns

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Managing Editor at Moderne Magazine
A former journalist, Ananya specializes in marketing & communications. She worked with a diverse set of firms across the spectrum for six years before leaving the cobwebs of a metropolitan city for a quiet, slow life in the hills.
A depression survivor Ananya primarily writes about mental health, intersectional feminism and society.
When she is not working or traveling, she spends her days in a quaint little town of Northeast India with her husband and two cats, sipping red wine and writing poetry.
Follow me

A woman’s virginity is one of the most praised idols of worship in all religious texts. Mother Mary was a ‘virgin’, in Hindu mythology we have ‘Panchkanyas’, Ahalya, Tara, Mandodari, Sita and Draupadi-  group of five ideal women and chaste wives.

I was brought up in a world where my bed-time stories were supposed to be epic sagas of ‘Mahapurush Rama’ asking his wife Sita proves her chastity by undergoing a trial by fire. Even before I could spell the word, I was indoctrinated with all kinds of ideas about what big deal virginity was. Continue reading “Of sex and summer in small towns”

Why is it so difficult to break up with a narcissist partner: Story of my survival

I pen down everything and anything that gives me a little bit of hope and inspiration.

My ordeal at the hands of narcissistic men started almost a decade ago, in 2009, to be precise. Even recalling it, makes me loathe the absurd amount of time I wasted wallowing in self-pity for years simply because I thought this is what ‘love’ feels like.

Walking away from an abusive and mentally draining relationship, especially with a narcissist takes more than courage and pep-talk.

Narcissism is often associated with being simply obsessed with one’s physical appearance. However, what most of us fail to recognize is, narcissism is more than just that – it is an inflated sense of self-importance and superiority that one attaches to themselves. 

I have been in three serious relationships, and the degree of narcissistic personality disorder(NPD) in each of my partners was distinctly different from one another.

Continue reading “Why is it so difficult to break up with a narcissist partner: Story of my survival”

10 signs YOU are the emotional abuser in your relationship

Abuse doesn’t always result it scars, bruises and divorces. Emotional abuse can be subtle, but serious. Often the people who are emotionally abused don’t even know it because the abuse doesn’t get physical and its easy to overlook and excuse the partners’ behaviour especially at the onset of a relationship. 

Interestingly, many a times the emotional abusers also do not know that they are in the wrong. They truly believe that they know what’s best for their partners, and apply sly, even subconscious, tactics to gain control over the individuals. 

We all could have shown some of these signs, and dominated our partners at some point, but if you see a pattern, it may be time to pause and evaluate your actions and their consequences. 

Here are 11 signs that you are the emotional abuser in your relationship:

Continue reading “10 signs YOU are the emotional abuser in your relationship”